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A tragedy
        nobody knew:
a situation
        always ignored.

Troubled and lonely,
        his family unknown;
a hideous habit
        began to unfold.

Injecting dope into his veins
        it was the only way he knew
to escape the pain.

So addicted, so abusive
        yellowish scabby skin
and sunken expressions
        this boy looked disgusting.

Strung out for days on end
       he hated his current trend.
Wanting to change - to him
       it seemed impossible.
Everyone around him shared this
        h e r o i n   h a b i t.

Knowing the ones he shouldn't be
                  a
                r   o
                u  n
                  d
it was hard for him to turn
                 d
                   o
                     w
                        n
the perfect mix for a quick fix.

         Desperate for help
  - with rehab not an option -
he was ready to quit with his
       own form of therapy.

Finding hope
      in a teacher ,
he began talking with her
      at every break.
Finding excuses
       to stay after class,
both needing help
       of different tasks.
The teacher had her
       suspicions
for all the marks
       on his skin but
never did she think
       it would be a habit
with heroin.

In need of recovery,
       the teacher helped him out
by simple ways of letting
       him talk things out.

Improvements began
       and he stopped using.
Missed several days
       sweating the toxins out
but all that mattered was
       he was kicking his
  h e r o i n   h a b i t.

Days progressed to weeks
      and he no longer
looked possessed.

It was a Tuesday
        during noon
that the teacher walked out
        only to see paramedics
rushing about pushing a
    s  t  r  e  t  c  h  e  r.

The demons were back.
    Injected too much -
     his life was now
       in the hands
     of someone else.

Bright lights shining
        and a new sun arising.
Granted another chance
        he’s now clean and sober.
But his heroin habit
        he carries around
in the form of a story.
Details
Submitted: January 4, 2008
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Author's Comments

Quite a bit of editing has gone on with this piece. It started as pretty much one big paragraph with the title of Heroin Tragedy. I changed the title to Heroin Habit though because well quite frankly, the ending was not a tragedy.

What's your take on it?
Hows the format?


Advanced Critique is more than welcome :D
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Comments


You might want to divide it up some. I'm not sure either weather it's poetry or prose. I think with a bit of editing it would fit under the former. =D

--
And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine
I hope that someday I'll see without these frames
And in the daylight I don't pick up my phone
'Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home
-Matt and Kim
I'm not sure about how to divide it up, but you definitely need to clarify at the end that he lives. On that note: HOLY CRUD THIS MADE ME ALMOST CRY. going through my teen years in a bass-ackward screwed up town like I did, I actually saw some of this. went through a little of it myself. So in a terrifying, messed-up, far-too-close-to-home sort of way, this is a beautiful piece.

Not to say it couldn't use some polishing; the rhyming is awkward with how it turns on and off in random places. also, try to begin a new line on a new idea or thought, or even just when you'd take a breath if you were speaking it. it makes the beat easier on the mind than it is now, where it seems a bit random.

--
We feel the emptiness so we can find a way to fill it.
Thank-you... I will begin my editing! :giggle:

--
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who
mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
- Dr. Seuss


Proud supporter of *RawEm0tion *Thumbshare
I divided it up a bit... but I'm not sure how much it helps things out ^^;

--
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who
mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
- Dr. Seuss


Proud supporter of *RawEm0tion *Thumbshare
I've done some editing but I'm still not keen on this ending because now the title of Heroin Tragedy doesn't really fit with how the story ends... as for the rhyming I don't think it's much better but I broke the lines up to try and make it easier to read

--
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who
mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
- Dr. Seuss


Proud supporter of *RawEm0tion *Thumbshare
"Around" made me giggle.
This works much better than before! =D

--
And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine
I hope that someday I'll see without these frames
And in the daylight I don't pick up my phone
'Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home
-Matt and Kim
I like the format for this. :D I think it can teach a letter for a lot of teens. It's a lot better than those programs we do in school o-o. This is much more deeper and emotional.

--
Live for the MoMeNt!!
:w00t:

--
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who
mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
- Dr. Seuss


Proud supporter of *RawEm0tion *Thumbshare
I like the poem. I'd still class it as that really. I instantly imagined one of those voice overs like on Tim Burton films...

Just a suggestion you don't have to take much notice of- how about renaming it 'heroinside" because he survives and it's not so much of a tragedy...?

--
"J'aime manger des crayons."
Et toi?

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